Getting over the bumps in the road

Jackie Jones
GCN Columnist

01/11/2007 - A toddler wants a treat at the store. Mom says no. He’s disappointed. A five-year-old is learning to tie her shoe. It’s hard. She’s disappointed when she can’t get it to work. A teen wants to score a touchdown. Instead, he fumbles the ball. Life is full of disappointments.

  That’s good. It gives us many opportunities to teach our children how to deal with disappointment. Parents really take the lead here. However, it seems like some parents go to great lengths to insulate their children from disappointment. Dealing with disappointment is a lot like dealing with anger. It is hard to watch our children experience difficult emotions but a parent’s job is to prepare their children for adult life. We want happiness and a good life for our children. That usually has a better chance of happening when we teach them how to get over the bumps in the road.

  My husband and I have two biological children and we’ve had eleven foster children through the years. One of the important lessons that we tried to teach our children was, that you can choose how you think about things and it’s okay to stop and think. Our actions are determined by how we think about things. Parents teach children how we think about things all of the time. The most powerful way we teach our children is by example. How do you handle the tough stuff? Do you think it through and then take action in an appropriate way? Remember, your children are watching you and, in many cases, your actions are teaching them how to be.

  The other way we teach our children is determined by how we react to their disappointments and their anger. If we get anxious every time they get anxious and rush in to do something, we teach them that their anxiousness can make adults pay attention and that adults will intervene for them. With that training, adults learn how to deal with the child’s disappointments, but the child just learns to get adults involved.

  What about this? When the child becomes anxious, the adult stays calm. Instead of the adult jumping in to handle the situation, first, validate the feeling, “I can see that you’re disappointed.” Then give the child this message, either with your actions or your words: “You’re okay. Stop and think. You can handle it.”

  Pretty soon that becomes the child’s self talk. “I’m okay. I can handle this. I just need to stop and think.” I call this Stop and Think training. It can also be called a positive attitude.

  The road of life is full of bumps, turns and detours. It’s easier if we just accept that and if we teach our children to accept that as well. The important thing is to remain confident in our ability to handle those bumps in the road so that we can move forward and not get stuck in an emotional pothole.

  On a different note, ladies, don’t wait to get your registrations in for the women’s retreat. It’s the first weekend in February. What is it about February? I don’t know about you, but I get tired of winter in February. It can be a bit of a low time for me. I need a little boost to recharge my batteries. This women’s retreat could do that for you. If you register before January 15th, the cost for the weekend is only $75. Bring a friend and you will receive a 10% discount when you register. That pays for all of the sessions, four meals (some will be catered), as well as the use of the wonderful hot tub, and there is a grand piano in the lobby. I have also arranged for massage therapists to be available during the Saturday afternoon break. Contact me via e-mail: grandmajackie@qwest.net or call me at (303) 258-3003 for reservations or questions.