Dealing with disappointment

Jackie Jones
GCN Columnist

01/04/2007 - I picked up the grandkids for a movie and an overnight today. As we were talking, our grandson said that Santa brought him one thing that was on his Christmas list. He said it with a smile and my granddaughter went on to say that Santa ate all of the cookies they left for him and drank all of the milk. I asked our grandson if he was disappointed that he just received one thing on his list and he said, “Sorta, but Santa has a budget.”

  I am reminded of a Christmas when their dad was about eight. His name is Billy. I am the only one who still calls him Billy, but he will always be Billy to me. He’s thirty-nine years old now.

  Our nephew was living with us while attending college. My husband’s brother, Jack, had been quite ill for a long time and on December 15^th   we received a phone call from our nephew’s family in Montana. The news was grim. Jack was in the hospital and was not expected to live. My husband bought an airline ticket for our nephew so that he could be with his dad as quickly as possible. We were driving a Ford Mustang at the time. We loaded our eight-year-old (he had just had his eighth birthday on December the 11^th) and his infant brother into that small car and drove to Montana. We had completed our Christmas shopping for our family but Christmas had to stay at our home.

  When we arrived in Montana, we were focused on Jack’s family and attending to their needs. Billy had told me earlier that he didn’t really believe in Santa anymore, but I had left his questioning about the matter unanswered. While we were in Montana, Billy started drawing pictures of Christmas. He was then putting the pictures up in Jack’s home where there was no mention or indication of the coming of Christmas. He also put many Christmas pictures up in the ICU waiting room where the family camped for days. Of course, Christmas was still on its way and our eight-year-old was telling me that he thought that maybe there was actually a Santa Claus and that Santa could find him even if he was in Montana. He found some string and spent quite a long day in the hospital waiting room making a Santa beard out of string. Someone at the hospital gave him a Santa hat and he tried to keep the spirit alive. He still wanted to believe in the Santa miracle. On Christmas Eve, he found some cookies to set out for Santa and poured a glass of milk. He looked with expectation at me and said that he was now sure that Santa would come during the night.

  That was the year that he had asked for his first train set and we already had it purchased at home. I pulled him close, gave him a hug and told him that Santa wasn’t going to bring his train to Montana. He persisted that he was sure that Santa could find him. That’s when I told him the truth about Santa. Tears were in his eyes. I said that the most important thing this year for Christmas was for us to be there for his Uncle Jack’s family during that very difficult time. I gave him the warmest hug that a mother can give to a child and told him that we would have Christmas when we returned to our home. He said that he understood. He put the cookies away, poured out the milk, kissed me goodnight and went to bed. He learned a very big lesson that Christmas about dealing with disappointment and he came through like a champ.

  There was a Christmas miracle that year. Jack didn’t die and after some time we all went back home. We did have that long awaited Christmas together. Our son got the train that he had asked for and there was a happy ending for everyone. Still, it was a major milestone in his little life. Some asked me why we didn’t go out and purchase another train and let him go on believing in Santa. I think that we made the right parenting choice. I think that we gave him a very important gift. We gave him the gift of having his parents there to hug him and share in his disappointment and grow in his compassion for others.

  Our grandson was “sorta” disappointed because he just received one thing on his Christmas list. However, he said it with a smile. He’s learning that you don’t always get everything that you want. That’s just the way life is. This is such an important subject that, with your indulgence, I plan to talk about dealing with disappointment again next week.

  I’m sorry if I missed you at Old World Books last week. Like many of you, we were snowed in. Check out the advertising in this issue about our upcoming women’s retreat. It’s going to be great! Get your reservations in early.What a value, only $75 if you register before the 15^th. That pays for four meals (some of those are going to be catered), all of the sessions, use of the hot tub, the baby Grand in the lobby, the works. We also hope to have opportunities for you to get chair massages and I would like to find some folks who could give manicures. Do you have any ideas where I could find local people with that expertise? Contact me via e-mail: grandmajackie@quest.net for reservations or questions.