Discovering what really matters in your life

Sally Bonkrude
GCN Columnist

  Ah, the New Year...time to contemplate the diet that “really” works, the exercise program that we’re “going to stick to” or maybe we’ll create some balance and organization in our life this year. Well, over the years, I’ve flip-flopped between writing absolutely no New Year’s resolutions to creating elaborate plans. I must say that I usually have more luck with goals that are planned during any time of the year, other than January. So, if you’re one of those people that make New Year’s resolutions that last less than a couple of days or you’ve just given up on them altogether, give this idea a shot.

  I feel that the New Year’s resolution don’t always work because we really don’t know exactly what we want. So, this year how about creating a plan for discovering what really matters in your life and what makes you happy. Maybe you will discover you don’t need any new goals or maybe you will decide on a total “personal make-over.” Learning what you want can help you create realistic goals from a place of personal insight. 

  Gather together a notebook, or brightly colored paper, plus multi-colored markers, pens and stickers. Begin to create a personal journal of self-discovery. In your journal, create one section, entitled “Keep.” In this section, write down every aspect of your daily life that you really enjoy and that is important to you. As you go about your day jot down what you feel is really working in your life. Maybe you love your job or aspects of your job, like spending time with people. Be specific in listing exactly what you would like to “keep” in your life. Ask yourself, “What really matters to me?” For me, I would include things like spending time with my family. Again, trying to be specific, I would write, spend time, every month, with my Grandkids and take time to connect with my husband daily.

  Entitle the second section “Change.” In this section, write down everything in your life that frustrates you and that you would like to see changed. Take time for this, jotting down, on a daily basis, what isn’t working for you. For example, I need to spend more time with my dog so that he develops better manners. Or, you may find that poor eating habits make you feel unhealthy and unhappy.

  The third section could be called “Imagine.” Imagine that everything that you have written in the “change” section has magically changed to be exactly what you want and you still have everything in your life from the “keep” section of your journaling. Write about what this “world” would look like and how it would feel. Use your senses. How would your body move, what would you see, how would the changes make you feel? Go into your imaginary world completely, because you may discover that something you thought you wanted to change may not be what you really want. For example, I may imagine myself idyllically hiking through the woods with my dog, going to dog obedience classes and spending mornings training. When I really feel and imagine this, I realize I would rather not spend time training a dog because I have no patience and the last thing I need to do is run down the hill to Denver for obedience classes. I would feel drained, exhausted and frustrated with one more thing on my plate, so I just jot a note about how this doesn’t fit into my life. 

  Entitle the fourth section, “Redo.” Brainstorm different ways to approach anything that you noted from the “Imagine” section that didn’t fit, like my example with my dog. Just let the ideas flow even if they don’t make sense right now. For example, I may let my mind drift into imagining many ways to have a well-mannered dog.   I imagine hiring a trainer or finding a neighbor that loves to work with animals. Now, I see myself with a well-trained dog and a life that fits for me. You may need to go back and forth between the “Imagine” section and the “Redo” section until you have a clear picture of what works for you.

  Now, title the fifth section of the journal, “Be” and create a collage of everything you would like in your life. You can paint this, write this, cut out pictures from magazines or anything that works for you. Study and feel this new way of being every morning as part of your breakfast.  Periodically throughout the day let your imagination drift off to this new way of being. Think about how you could realistically accomplish this in your life. Using your senses, smell, feel, hear and put yourself into this picture. Adjust the picture if you discover something doesn’t fit or feel right to you. Have fun with this and feel free to be “uniquely you” in how you do it. Next week we will look at the principles of writing goals.