Continue the giving year ‘round

Sally Bonkrude
GCN Columnist

  The gift giving and receiving of the Holidays will soon be over and the question remains, “how can we, as parents and grandparents, continue the giving throughout the year?” There are the gifts at the Holiday that are important, but the gifts that we give spontaneously, with an open loving heart every day of every year are the most important. As I think back through my life, I come up with three huge gifts I was given as a kid. The first gift was being able to live every summer in a little cabin, in the woods on a lake in Minnesota.  It was here I was given the gift of freedom. I was free to roam the woods, fish, swim, and boat.  My cousins and I wrote and published newspapers, sold rocks at the side of the road, played music, presented plays and musicals in the garage, sold “tickets” to our parents for our fish fries in the backyard and in generally, were free to make messes and PLAY. This is really the way kids learn, by being free to create.  The gift of play, not organized play, but just play that comes out of the moment is becoming almost a lost art form in our structured world.  I think we should work on bringing “PLAY” back. I think it’s important for kids to have “free” time, and not be scheduled every second of every day. Second, my parents gave me piano and voice lessons. I know you’re thinking, “first you tell me not to over schedule my child and then you tell me to schedule music lessons.” For your child, it might not be music lessons, it might instead be sports, or dance or art. Kids should have special outlets to test their wings, without the pressure to perform. I never had any pressure to practice or expectations of greatness. This allowed me to be “OK” with just being with music in my own unique way. For me, music was an outlet for the normal ups and downs of being a kid, a place to put excess emotional energy and sometimes an escape. This is an important gift to give children. Third, my Mom was there for me. I had a lap to sit on, a ready ear to listen to my problems and a hug when I was feeling down. When I would walk in the house, I would yell, “Mom” and she would answer. She was there, and that was all I needed. Then, off I would go again to play, reassured. Today, it seems more difficult to always be home for the kids, and I don’t judge parents that have to work, I certainly did my share of that. But, I do think it’s important to try to be an available for that simple but important “assurance”.

  It’s the little things that we do on daily basis that have an affect on our relationships, our children and our lives as a whole. My husband and I take turns letting our young pup out to potty at night. Every once and a while I know my husband takes an extra turn, not wanting to wake me. Then, sometimes when he knows I’m really tired, he’ll cook a really great dinner. He’s always showing me, in little ways, how much he cares and appreciates me. It may sound idealistic, but how great would it be if we would all begin to be aware of the needs of others, and give of ourselves. My favorite time with my grandkids is reading books at night. They can always get a few extra books out of me. Time and thought are gifts that are rarely given in a world that moves at lighting speed and values fast food, video games and the almighty dollar. 

  The holidays will soon be over but let’s keep gift giving alive. In the New Year, I will resume my “therapist hat” and explore a variety of topics such as: goal planning, alcoholism, parenting and anything else you may want my thoughts on. If you have ideas email me at Sbonkrude@aol.com. Have a Happy New Year!