Speaking from the heart

By Sally Bonkrude
GCN Columnist

  I usually write this column with my psychotherapist hat on. However, today I’m feeling like taking a vacation from my role as a therapist and speaking from the heart about holiday gift giving. The first question the kids are asked when they get back to school from the holiday is, “What did you get?” As parents, most of us are busy making lists and looking for that “special” gift idea. Ok, I must confess no list has been made, but I have actually set a shopping date for Thursday. So now, what to get? 

  I like to purchase gifts that spark creativity and an active mind. So top on my list are art supplies of all kinds: play-do, finger paints, pens, stickers, different kinds of paper and even empty boxes. Then, I think about tapping into the musical spirit of people and like to find interesting instruments like ocarinas (clay flutes). Drums are great too, sorry parents. I’m big into buying books and pajamas, probably because that’s want I like. Some people seem to have a knack of thinking about the needs and wishes of the person rather than projecting their needs onto the receiver. But, how can you not like PJ’s and books?

  What really makes a gift one of a kind? My husband and I had a great discussion at breakfast about the gifts we received as kids and what made them memorable. He remembers getting a shiny fishing tackle box, at six years of age, complete with a few hooks. I can picture his big wide eyes as he tore open the packaging and saw his “very own” fishing gear. Images were probably dancing in this head of the summer trips to the northern Minnesota island where his family camped and the many times that he would be going fishing with Dad. So, the gift was a message to that little boy of special times ahead and the pride a Father and Mother have in a little boy growing up. Then, at 9, he got a .22 Rifle. (Remember this was the late 50’s and in rural Minnesota.) What a boost in pride for a young a boy to think that his Father entrusted him with such a gift. It was validation he was growing up and was being given the responsibility of a man. His Father had strict rules that the gun was not to be shown to his friends and was only to be taken out of its storage place with his Dad present. At 11, his Grandfather gave him a calf. This calf was to be cared for by him, and when it was sold, the money was to be put in the bank for the beginning of a college fund. My husband loved spending time on his Grandfather’s farm. So this gift meant to him, spending time with a favorite Grandpa in his favorite place, the farm. Again, it was a gift of love, and attached to it was the implicit message that, “I want to spend time with you.” Also, it was an opportunity for Grandpa to teach responsibility, work ethic, and the importance of saving for a future goal, college. Each of these three gifts were laden with inner messages such as: “I trust you. I want to be with you. I see you are growing up and I’m proud of you.” Now, in this day and age some of these gifts may not be practical, but the messages attached to the gifts are just as important today as years ago. So, as I think about that shopping trip on Thursday I will carry with me, what makes a gift remembered some 40 years later.